A Time to Heal

I believe this season is a time to heal, not just for the earth and its natural resources, but also for nations, businesses, organisations, families and individuals.

The Earth is Healing

As most of us are probably aware, the recent grounding of some activities across the world has meant that the earth is healing.

For instance, this CNN article attests to the fact that people in some parts of India recently reported seeing the peak of Himalayas mountains for the first time in three decades. This is evidently due to a reduction of air pollution as a result of the coronavirus lockdown.

Companies are Healing

I believe that this season has also taught many businesses and organisations (including charities and churches) to rethink their operations and priorities.

I personally worked in a company where some of the managers were not keen on remote working for staff. However, I saw them swiftly transition into managers who were more trusting, supportive and considerate of their staff.

Making Babies or Splitting?

As we went into lockdown, I was really excited to watch a news report advising Health Services to be prepared to welcome “Corona Babies” at the end of this year.

I was under the illusion that being in lockdown would mean that most couples and families would draw closer, to the point of multiplying their clans – circumstances permitting.

However, I have since awoken to the reality that for some families, being in lock down with nowhere to escape occassionally, has meant that many couples and families have been forced to face unresolved issues which were previously swept under the carpet.

Infact, I was shocked to hear that there have been a lot more cases of domestic violence.

I have also learned that some couples have been forced to make the decision to go their separate ways in this season as well.

Children – Closer or Further?

Talking about children, I also thought that parents and their children would draw closer this season.

However this has not been the case for all families as some parents have had to work – and some are working even harder – during the lockdown.

I believe that some young children who previously thought they could have their parents’ full attention whenever they were home, are left feeling very confused and hurt that their parents suddenly do not always have the time to hang out with them despite the parents being home the whole time.

It is probably harder for some children who hardly saw their workaholic parents before the lockdown. Their young minds probably now have trouble processing the fact that their parents not being able to hang out with them that much had nothing to do with the parents not being around in the first place – they just happen to have parents who have a lot to juggle.

I also believe that some teenagers and older children are feeling very lost this season, with nothing to do besides household chores, being on their phones, playing video games or watching TV.

More Time to Stay Busy?

Personally, I am not very good at staying in touch with friends and family.

I guess what goes around comes around, as despite having loads of family and friends, most of them do not take the time to check on me either.

I always felt like most people never really find the time to check in on others because they are busy. 

However, I have found that even though some people are a lot less busy, or have a lot more control of their time these days, they have found other ways of keeping busy.

Some people are keeping busy via binge watching TV series and shows, while others spend much more time online and on social media now. Some other people have actually taken on extra work, or new hobbies and initiatives, and some just need to work harder at growing their businesses online, which means that they still don’t have time to socialise.

A Time to Heal Relationships

Whatever your circumstances may be, I would like you to encourage to focus on healing your relationships in this season.

I did already touch on rebuilding relationships in a previous post. However, I think it is really important that we pay attention to this, because our relationships are very important.

Our relationships will keep us going when we are no longer able to work or do the things that keep us busy.

As we come out of lockdown, I would like to encourage you to do some self-examination and try to heal your relationships with your loved ones.

Real Talk for Couples

If you are a married couple, or courting or dating, and things haven’t been great, try to talk about it.

Have the difficult conversations and do whatever is best for you to resolve the situation. Get counselling if needed.

If it is just not working and you are sure you have tried your best, I think it is okay to think about moving forward – whatever that may mean for you.

I read about a lady who her husband left recently. She reported that since her separation, she has been happier and her confidence, motivation and self-worth are a lot better. She was also grateful he was the one that decided to leave because their marriage was just not working but she was too afraid to confront it.

I am not advocating divorce or separation. However, if you are in an abusive relationship or you are feeling very suffocated and unhappy in your relationship, I think it is okay to consider separating for a while if you have tried your best to resolve your issues and nothing seems to be working.

Parents with young kids

If your job keeps you so busy that you struggle to find time for your kids during the day, consider scheduling times in your day when you play with them and talk with them.

Depending on their age, don’t go into a meltdown, and aggressively shoo them away if your little ones barge in on your meeting and decide that is when they want a cuddle or want to show you something. Acknowledge them for a quick minute and tactfully discharge the child if you can.

It’s actually not a crime to have your child hover around or sit with you for a few minutes while you work or attend a remote meeting. It’s not that deep, and I am pretty confident your colleagues/clients would understand.

By the way, back when it was normal for most people to work at corporate office locations, I constantly had moments when someone would come to “distract” me at my desk. I personally love chatting and I did not mind being “distracted” from my work. Sometimes the “quick question” became a full blown 30 minute conversation – or even longer. However, I welcomed those moments – because I found personal conversations quite refreshing. I never had the nerve to tell any of my colleagues to “go away and leave me alone” whenever I was busy and they came to “distract” me at work.

Even the colleagues who were not very nice never told me to “go away and leave me alone” when I tried to “distract” them – well at least not in those words. They would, as politely as they could, tell me they were “busy right now”. I even got some of them to tell me when to come back, or booked a proper appointment with them, so they couldn’t wriggle out of giving me the time I needed.

Should it be any different with our kids now that we are all working or studying at home together?

Perhaps we can try being more polite and considerate to our children, just like we are to our colleagues?

Parents with older children

Talk to your older children too. This is actually a good time to find out what is important to them and see how you can support them practically.

For instance, you could help them register onto a course or club that they like. You could also support them in getting started on a course or initiative that they care about.

It might also be worth exploring apprenticeships and internships. I actually recently heard that lots of companies are running apprenticeship schemes as supported by the UK Government in this season.

Visiting a Job Centre near you might be a good place to start if you or your child are not sure what to do. I hear that the UK Government is employing a lot of staff at Job Centres to get people back into work. They will be able to point you and your child in the right direction so that you can access training and work opportunities for young people.

Steer those Friend Ships

Try to reconnect with the friends that are important to you in this season.

If they do not want to be close to you anymore, or are being funny and would not appreciate or reciprocate your love, move on and love them from afar.

However still check on them now again – in a less frequent and intrusive manner.

I actually think this is a good time for some purging of the friends we keep.

If a friend contsantly makes you feel very little and shoots you down whenever you try to talk about your dreams, it might be time to ditch them.

If a friend constantly disrespects you, belittles your challenges or accomplishments, or if it’s generally just too bumpy whenever they are around, it may be time to dock that “ship”.

Hanging on to Family

You can discard your friends, you can even dump a spouse or lover, but you can’t get rid of your family.

Find a way of reaching out to your family members in this season – even the ones that push you away.

Find ways to be supportive of them and their dreams.

I do realise, from personal experience, that some family members are like brick walls that can’t be reached.

I also know that some family members can be impossible, overbearing, unwise, cold, proud, selfish or insensitive. However, it is still important to find a way of being loving and considerate to them.

I also think it is important to give our family memers the truth pill from time to time – however hard it may be for them to swallow.

In my last post, I talked about speaking up. I think your own family are the people you are best placed to speak up to. This is because they are the relationships that are most important to you – emotionally speaking.

If a family member needs to do better and you are feeling really affected by it, dont be afraid to tell them what you feel – in a polite and loving way.

But beyond that, try to understand their thought process and why they talk or behave the way they do. Proceed by asking them about the challenges they may be experiencing and ask how you can practically help them.

If they don’t want you to help them, or you dont agree with the help they are requesting, or you are unable to help, you can politely step back.

You may choose to revisit the conversation again another time – when the opportunity arises.

Be Kind to Acquaintances

If you happen to have an acquaintance you really like and you can tell they like you too, try to find a way of  maintaining or deepening your relationship – especially if you have similar interests and the relationship benefits you both.

Over the years I have come to realise that not everybody likes me.

I think it is important to know that you won’t always hit it off with people. Also, sometimes people may change their minds about you. Other times people just drift apart.

If this is applicable to you, don’t sweat it just move on but remain kind.

A Prayer Coincidence?

I think it is also very important that we pray for our loved ones because we may not always know what battles or demons they may be fighting.

A few years ago I was moaning to a Pastor friend of mine about a lady at work. She was one of the Managers and was always jovial and playful with everybody in the office but me.

My friend told me to just pray for her and everyone in my office from my heart. I listened and prayed. The next day, the lady greeted me, which she never did, and she was all smiles and friendly to me. She did go back to her old ways as I did not carry on praying about the situation…

Moral of the story: Prayer does work.

A quote by William Temple goes, “When I pray, coincidences happen, and when I don’t, they don’t.”

I believe prayers can change people too.

Pay your Love Debts

As I close, I would like to encourage you to try not to hold grudges if the people in your life (acquaintances, friends and family) do not behave or love you the way you want them to.

In his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, one of the habits referenced by Stephen Covey was “Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood”.

Try to understand and make excuses for people whenever you can.

I think it is very important for our emotional and mental health, to stay away from bad energy, and people who make us have very negative feelings when we are around them.

However, I do realise that sometimes we can’t avoid negative people. We should therefore, strive to be the more mature person and find a way to rise above the hate that we receive from people sometimes.

I know it’s very difficult to be loving when it is very evident that someone hates you. However, it’s still important that we find a way of acting in love towards hateful people when we do come in contact with them.

The truth of the matter is, love always wins, and it sometimes even quenches hate.

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law. Romans 13:8 NIV

Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Romans 12:18 NLT

Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13 NLT

I am obviously not a preacher or counsellor or expert on any of these matters. I just thought to share my thoughts in hopes that it will help someone. The opinions expressed in this post are purely mine and not based on any expert research.

I realise that some of my perceptions may be wrong, and you may or may not agree with me. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments section.